Confidence & Self-Esteem

Why is it so difficult for some of us to accept who we are at the moment, without judgement or selfblame? To feel confident and accepting of ourselves TODAY? Maybe we fear that if we do accept ourselves we won't be motivated to improve, to change those things about ourselves that aren't serving us well. We use a myriad of uncomfortable emotions to motivate ourselves to change or to achieve more. Anger, competition, guilt or fear may be part of what we hope will motivate us to change.


Nothing could be farther from the truth. Loving, accepting and being happy with yourself does not mean you stop wanting to improve. An innate desire for growth and development is a much more powerful tool to use than fear or guilt to get yourself to change. You can be perfectly happy with yourself, truly feeling great about who you are, and still want to grow, learn and change.

When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you. ~African Proverb

If you find yourself troubled with self-doubt or self-hatred, what can you do? There are two techniques that may work for you, one directed inward and the other directed outward. The inward technique is to focus on your potential as a human being. Think about everything the human race has accomplished, the great  achievements human beings are capable of. Understand and accept that you too are capable of all that, by virtue of the fact that you, too, are a human being.

The outward technique is to give to others to better their lives. To focus your attention on giving something of value to others—your time, attention, caring, expertise, etc.—as a way of validating your own significance as a human being while at the same time helping others do the same for themselves.

Try these two methods for yourself and see what happens:

· Rather than thinking about what you can’t do, take a blank tablet and make a list of a hundred things (yes, a hundred things) you can do.
· Rather than thinking about what you don’t have that you want, make a list of a hundred (yes, another hundred) things you have that you are grateful for.

After you have made your lists, find some place that needs your time or talents. Don’t just write a check; write a check (if you can) and give of yourself as well. Take an elderly person shopping or to a Doctor’s appointment, give a little relief to an overwhelmed single parent by taking their child to the zoo or a ball game, help to repair or build affordable housing, spend time with “special needs” children, become one of the people who delivers hot meals once a day to shut-ins. It’s difficult to think badly of yourself when a child is laughing along with the story you’re reading, or when an elderly person lights up when you arrive with a nutritious meal and a caring smile.